Reflecting on 12 Years Post-Heart Surgery: A Journey of Determination, Fear and Resilience and Hope

As I approach my 12-year anniversary since undergoing heart surgery at the age of 44, I find myself reflecting on the journey that has shaped me into the person I am today. It's a journey marked by determination, fear, joy, and the unwavering support of those around me.

Let me take you back to that pivotal moment in my life. The fear was palpable as I faced the unknowns of surgery and the uncertain future that lay ahead. But through it all, there was a flicker of determination burning within me – a determination to overcome this obstacle and emerge stronger on the other side.

The road to recovery was not easy. There were setbacks and challenges along the way, both physical and emotional. The fear of relapse often loomed large, a constant companion reminding me of the fragility of life. But through it all, I refused to let fear dictate my actions. Instead, I chose to embrace life with renewed vigor, cherishing every moment and pushing myself to new limits.

One of the greatest sources of joy in my life has been my love for the outdoors. There's something about the crisp mountain air and the rugged terrain that fills me with energy and vitality. Whether it's hiking through dense forests or scaling rocky peaks, being in nature rejuvenates my spirit like nothing else. It's here, surrounded by the beauty of the natural world, that I find solace and strength to face life's challenges head-on.

But perhaps what has truly sustained me through the ups and downs of my journey is the unwavering support of those around me. From family and friends to healthcare professionals and fellow adventurers, their encouragement and belief in me have been a constant source of inspiration. They see me not as a patient or a survivor, but as their physical explorer equal – capable of conquering any obstacle that comes my way.

Of course, my battle doesn't end with my heart surgery. Living with diabetes adds another layer of complexity to my journey, requiring constant vigilance and self-care. There are days when I feel like I'm fighting against my own body, struggling to keep my blood sugar levels in check and maintain a healthy lifestyle. But even in those moments of doubt and frustration, I remind myself of how far I've come and the countless obstacles I've already overcome.

At the heart of it all, my journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It's a reminder that no matter how daunting the challenges we face, we possess an inner strength that can carry us through even the darkest of times. As I look back on the past 12 years, I am filled with gratitude for the experiences that have shaped me and the people who have stood by my side every step of the way. And as I look ahead to the future, I do so with renewed determination and a heart full of hope.

JHB a life explorer!

Merino Wool

The Comfort and Benefits of Merino Wool Socks for Type 2 Diabetics

As an explorer with T2D, I love me some merino wool. I love socks, shirts, and anything made with good quality merino wool. I have been looking at a multiple different merino wool clothing companies. At the Couragendures YouTube channel we will be making a YouTube review on the merino wool based brands that I'm playing with on my explorations this winter. Below is a why I think merino wool socks are perfect for diabetics.

When it comes to managing diabetes, comfort and care play a crucial role in maintaining overall health. While medication and dietary choices are essential, the right clothing and footwear can make a significant difference. Merino wool socks are one such choice that can greatly benefit individuals, especially those with type 2 diabetes. In this blog post, we'll explore the reasons why merino wool socks are an excellent option for type 2 diabetics.

  1. Moisture Management:
    Merino wool is known for its exceptional moisture-wicking properties. These socks can help keep your feet dry, which is essential for diabetics who may be more susceptible to foot issues. Moisture can lead to skin irritations, fungal infections, and blisters, which can be particularly troublesome for those with diabetes. Merino wool socks can aid in reducing these risks by keeping your feet comfortably dry.
  2. Temperature Regulation:
    Maintaining proper foot temperature is crucial for diabetics. Merino wool naturally regulates temperature, helping to keep feet warm in cold conditions and cool in hot weather. This feature prevents overheating and excessive sweating, which can lead to discomfort and potential complications.
  3. Softness and Comfort:
    Merino wool is incredibly soft and gentle on the skin. It lacks the itchiness associated with traditional wool, making it comfortable to wear all day long. Diabetics often need to be vigilant about avoiding anything that could cause irritation or pressure points on their feet. Merino wool socks offer a soft and luxurious feel that can alleviate discomfort.
  4. Moisture Without Odor:
    Unlike synthetic materials, merino wool has a unique ability to absorb moisture without becoming smelly. This is a significant advantage, as foot odor and bacterial growth can be issues for diabetics. The natural antibacterial properties of merino wool keep your feet feeling fresh and odor-free.
  5. Breathability:
    Merino wool is highly breathable, allowing air circulation around the feet. This feature helps in preventing excessive sweating and maintaining healthy skin. Proper airflow is vital for reducing the risk of skin breakdown and ulcers, common concerns for diabetic individuals.
  6. Reduced Risk of Allergies:
    Merino wool is hypoallergenic, which means it is less likely to cause allergic reactions or skin irritations. This is essential for individuals with diabetes, as skin complications can lead to more severe issues if not managed promptly.
  7. Seamless and Non-Restrictive Design:
    When choosing merino wool socks for diabetics, look for seamless and non-restrictive designs. Socks with flat seams and no tight elastic bands can prevent pressure points and reduce the risk of circulation problems in the feet.


Merino wool socks are a valuable addition to the wardrobe of individuals with type 2 diabetes. They offer a combination of moisture management, temperature regulation, softness, and comfort that can greatly benefit those managing this condition. However, it's essential to consult with a healthcare professional or a podiatrist for personalized advice and recommendations, as individual needs may vary. By selecting the right socks and paying attention to foot care, type 2 diabetics can take an important step toward better health and comfort.

www.couragendures.com

John B.

A New Day

So this idea of CouragEndures started with the idea that we want o promote individuals acts of courage."To recognize and promote those who exhibit or are in need of courage as a foundation to face any and all of life's challenges and to do so in the pursuit of health and happiness for the mind, body and soul."As I was hiking up this mountain in snow shoes, 5 miles, 2150 feet of elevation gain and ascending to 11,200 feet. I couldn't help but think about questions that Sarah had text to me to ask myself:

  1. John, How do you feel? Thats a funny question, I'm nervous, I'm excited and I'm scared but somewhere in all of that I'm confident that I have done the physical training work, But have I done the mental work? well thats an unknown for sure. I'm resigned to the idea that this is part of  "MY PLAN" to achieve an optimal life for me. So I start up the mountain, I realize that I like hiking up mountains because I become singularly focused on what I have to do, life is not pulling at peripheral vision. The only thing I have to solve is how I'm getting up this mountain. Well I'm going to put one foot on front of the other, thats how. So I start doing it! I feel pretty good for the first 2.5miles. I feel like shit for the rest of the way up up and up! Its gets steeper and steeper, I start counting steps before I can take my next rest(and I'm checking my heart rate as well) 45, 46, 47, 48, 49 and 50....REST! . I'm always listening intently to my body, to my heart, to my legs and to my lungs always I'm checking in with them. I also always take a moment to take look where I have been and where I'm headed but most importantly I see and feel the earth's beauty and power all around me. I also remember my goal! Goal to ascend to a place that I have never been before and to grab ahold of the opportunity to achieve the goal and its totally up to me. HELLO PETER ESTIN HUTIMG_1981
  2. JB What is going through your mind while heading up?  For starters I'm always checking watching my heart monitor. My mind is asking me questions about my body. My body quickly answers me by reminding me that  JB you have a blister on our heal the size of a half dollar, you idiot! ,I wonder what this is doing to my blood sugar? JB,  have you eaten enough? If my Blood Sugars are to high will it kill me on the spot(this question might be the altitude)? I know that is a little bit extreme but I'm climbing a mountain in the snow, so thats "extreme" ha! I haven't even got to my damaged heart yet, So I check in with it, heart beats are strong and steady(via my SUUNTO WATCH). I can do this, I remember that Fuck-N-A is an affirmation. My mind drifts and I'm thinking about my mother and brothers, I'm thinking about what it would be like to be living in the Scottish highlands and I would have to do this everyday., minus the snowshoes... I can't help but verbally say out loud "there can only be one" I of course smile at that! Finally see the top, but Shit...there is about a .2 miles of straight up climb...I realize that I'm still strong, tired but strong, so I take a step and start the step count again. HELLO PETER ESTIN HUT!
  3. SARAH's 3rd question to me: What is the hardest part? Deciding to go! Not letting my friends down, not embarrassing myself, Not letting myself down, cause fear in the past has controlled me and has made me quit before, so not today!  So the hardest part is all mental. JB- GET YOUR BUM UP THAT MOUNTAIN! JB!FIGHT!  Fear of the unknown is and always will be the hardest part! I say HELLO to the PETER ESTIN HUT! IMG_2009

Looking back at the clouds where the hut sits. this show where I have been, it doesn't look easy to get there and its not! But like life nothing worth while is easy! I say a blessing to the earth, the mountains and my appreciation for giving me safe travel! I say a blessing to my body for powering me up and down that mountain and allowing me to see greatness!IMG_1975See you again soon!

Taking the Next Step

So today I'm preparing to head out on an adventure with my good friend Mike Schmidt. I can't help but reflect how far I have come since my diabetes day and my subsequent heart surgery. To be able to journey into the great unknown and challenge myself is absolutely pretty darn cool.We are heading out to snow-shoe up to the Peter Estin Hut (http://www.hutski.com/hut-routes/peter-estin/peter-estin-hut.html), I will see my god and celebrate that I'M DOING THIS WITH MY HEART, LUNGS, HEAD AND LEGS....BOOYAH! The only motor I'm using is mine! I would've never thought that I was ever going attempt such a adventure in the early part of 2012. I had just been told that I needed heart surgery and I was feeling...well freaked out. But I had already flip the switch(#flipyourswitch) upon my diabetes diagnose(Nov 30th 2011)and I had chosen LIFE, I had dropped around 40lbs in about 90 days. I remember waking up post-op and thinking to myself that I was alive. I remember thinking that i would be alright. I was barely out of surgery and the nurse was looking into my eyes and checking my pupils and I noticed what beautiful blue eyes she had, its funny I think to this day that I  look for the beauty in just about everything and everyone, it was shows me that I'm alive, and dammit I'm alive!.... fast forward to this weeks trip, I know it will be hard. I know that I will be last up the mountain,but the beauty I will get to see is such a great motivation for me. I will witness the snow, the cold crisp air, the trees under their blanket of snow, the sky slowly revealing  its intentions on us. Most of all I will celebrate my breath; I will  feel/hear my breath as it starts to increase with every step I take and I will give thanks  and how happy I am to have it. I will gaze out into the vast open space of the Colorado mountains and I will say a blessing. I will think my myself for being brave, for being tough, for working hard, I will respect how afraid I was in 2012. I will think about laying in the hospital bed on the first night post-op and remember how out of it I was, I will rememeber thinking that they moved me to a outdoor loading dock and not knowing why they moved me there and where were they taking me(Nowhere, I never physically left my room).  Today I'm  anticipating the feeling of the quiet of the mountain air all around me, I will be worried that my group is waiting on me to move faster but I can only move as my body will allow.   I long for the feeling of pride in myself that my little heart damage heart is getting it done.. I'm climbing above 11,000 feet. I will think the universe of allowing me to ride this storm of adventure. I will flash back to walking out of the heart hospital and truly now that this belongs to me and celebrate that achievement.I can hear my future conversation with myself while heading up to the promise land will go something like this, JB climb, keep moving forward! Climb that fucking mountain. JB,  life is difficult, JB TAKE ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS YOUR GOAL!.  Keep looking forward you can't change whats behind you, keep moving forward.."There are no promises" take another step..Do you feel your heart? It feels so good, its working hard, JB there aren't any guarantees. JB keep going, you are not tired! Then I will finally get above tree line and I will start to sense the end of this day. My good friend Mike will be there to greet me, most likely he will hike back and check on me and walk the last half mile with me .I will see him looking at me, he seeing if I'm okay. We will arrive at our destination and I will feel such accomplishment. I will feel so lucky and I will feel confident and I will tip my hat to the mountains for providing me such challenge and bestowing on me such joy. I will quietly to myself thank my Doctors for doing their job to get me this journey. But most of all I will think my intangible mind for pushing me to these heights and allowing me to dream, to work and to accomplish something that didn't seem possible just 3 and half years ago. 

Motivation Monday....

Monday Motivation:Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. —George AddairWhat makes me get out of bed on Mondays?  One word Accountability! So I'm driving up to Tulsa to workout with Ashley Armstrong my friend & my trainer (Instag:ashleydarmstrong) every Monday Morning and today I'm thinking about whats my motivation, people will ask me"why do you drive to Tulsa to workout?" My answer is such a personal one I almost can't explain to them in the 15 seconds it takes me to answer,  so I say something like "Because it makes me Happy! Thats the truth! That's enough of me! So what makes me motivated are actions and thoughts that scare me to death. I remember wanting to try things but in my head I would hear all the doubt and fear, so that would scare me. I would say  JB your not good at those things; JB-everyone is going to laugh at me;  JB-People will think I'm dumb! Not Disciplined...on and on the narrative in my head plays. So I come back to the quote above "Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear"   Being accountable = Motivation for me, so If I'm being accountable then I can travel to the other side of fear. So the fear of not handling my health is a big motivator for me. I know that that I must keep my health and my body strong & My mind strong, so I do the work to get to the other side of fear. Kinda like me writing this posts..This is something that scares me to death, I'm a lil bit dyslexic, I skip words. I've been ask about my ADD all of my life. So sitting down and writing is something that scares me to death. So fearful, OMG people might know I'm not perfect...guess what? Everyone already knows that I'm not near perfect. To overcome this fear I just have to start writing, not worry about all the grammatical errors I will make, because I own them, also I'm not afraid to ask my friends, who I trust to look at my stuff and correct my mistakes as well as give me constructive critiques. So being a bit broken is awesome it allows me to see my all of beautiful imperfections and motivates me to be brave with myself. As Hemingway said "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places", so my motivation is to be accountable & awake,  accept my broken places and work towards strength and happiness, that is what I want out of motivation Monday.2014-02-21 10.06.36

U2's "Under a Blood Red Sky"

While going for a run this morning and watching all the cool drama playing out above me in the sky, and I was thinking about music, because music is always on and its always playing in my head. "Ordinary Love" by U2 came on and that started me thinking about music groups that have provided the playlist for my life. U2's "Under a Blood Red Sky" album, was electric to me and It made me come alive. UBRS came along and became the driving beat of the changes in my life. Life was starting to show itself to me...I wanted everything..my body and my mind were starting growing up, I was 15 so driving was on my mind, I was about to have a real crush....GIRLS, GIRL,GIRLS were on my mind! I was starting to have thoughts and ideas about how the world should be(and all my friends know that I still have different ideas on how the world should be) but the US songs: Sunday Bloody Sunday, News Years day(plus the video had been released on MTV...SO COOL), I will Follow, Gloria, 40, The Electric Co., 11 O'clock Tick Tock. Plus it's the first time I had every heard of Red Rocks so that triggered a life long love for music played outside, with the sky, the moon, the sun, not to mention hot girls, maybe a few adult beverages(yes I was under age),  It was just life and it was all happening all around me, it felt so good. So I want to thank U2 for providing me with a great soundtrack for such an exciting time of my life.U2's Under a blood red sky enabled me to cope with my changing life, my insecurities, I was starting to find myself. I remember July 23rd 1984 the day that music almost died, my best friend shot and killed himself So U2 has been with me ever since that day, it is so nice putting that music on and escaping back to a better time.Before death and violence was everywhere. I found US's songs making want to learn more about what was happening especially in Northern Ireland. I couldn't believe that in modern Day Europe that we were fighting an old war based on Religion. I was stunned.

A pathway to Courage...

cour·age
ˈkərij,ˈkə-rij/
noun.
  1. the ability to do something that frightens one.
  2. "she called on all her courage to face the ordeal

Courage has become my mantra over the last couple of years. Early in my life I didn't feel that I had any. Call it a confidence issue or a lack of understanding of who I was or who I wanted to be. I remember in middle school being compared to my older brother, who was so very smart and very disciplined and I was just the opposite, I was a shitshow! I felt stupid and unattractive and no matter how I searched for my courage I couldn't find it, so I faked it! Here is one example(there are so many more) I remember being compared to my older brother by a math teacher, of course she said "why are you not as smart as your brother" or something close to that and I don't think I ever got over it until I had the courage to release my own ego and pride and I figure out who I am. I didn't truly start to release my ego and pride until I walked out of my Doctor's office Nov 30th 2011. I knew at the moment that it was up to me and that I had to make changes, I want to live! Not only did I want to live but I wanted to thrive. I wanted to be honest with myself and ask tough questions about myself, because living a life without courage wasn't working and in fact I would argue that it was killing me literally.  I started asking myself what do I believe & what do I want? Not what people want me to believe or what they think I should want, but what do I believe and want? After a ton reading(thanks to the internet) and soul searching I came to my first belief that there aren't any guarantees in life and life is difficult and a struggle.... I'm okay with that! So I started putting in the work of imprinting this belief into my core, and reminding myself daily to stay awake with myself(which is constant struggle). It's interesting that the more I work on this,  the more it fuels me to push my boundaries.My second belief: I must be in movement to be living. I must create movement in my mind, my soul and my body because my goal is to all three to work together.  I want to be aware when I'm successful in achieving that rare moment of movement and let its success give me power and energy to keep moving, JB be awake! I have always loved physical exercise but my body was always heavy, I wanted to be lighter to do more, which would allow me to get out into nature. When I'm moving in nature and see and feel the greatness of the natural world, I see God! That's what I want, so get to work and get it.2014-02-21 11.34.44The Third belief is  to achieve balance. To feel the feeling of balance, My Goal is for my mind, body and spirit is working in a very symbiotic way, even if it is for nanosecond, because I know that life is movement and the push and pull of movement will always create an imbalance in life, so I want to be aware enough to enjoy that nanosecond of balance and know when I need to tweak it to regain my balance. To take inventory of those moments of balance in my soul and remember it.November 31, 2011, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. So not being awake, I blindly was not paying attention to what I  was eating and drinking. My blindness and fear were killing my body, I had develop Type 2 diabetes, like my father and mother and maybe even my grandmother on both sides of my family, so after my diagnose I knew that I need to drop some serious weight. I choose life, so I searched the internet and read so many different books and articles, advertisements you name it I read it. My many google searches  for example "How to cure diabetes?" "Can I reverse diabetes?"just to name a few. So after my reading I realized to achieve success I would have to FOREVER change my diet, add movement such as walking, running the gym and yoga but most of I want to play outside in god's playground. I want to LIVE!I want to thrive!  The old saying of everything in moderation is complete bullshit, that's a lie that I told myself. With my predisposition for diabetes, guess what? The reality is sugar does't work for me! So I went cold turkey and started following "the Diabetic Solution" by Dr. Bernstein's book and I starred seeing immediate results. I started taking my Blood Sugars 3 times a day everyday!  I still do at least twice a day. Now 4 plus years later my BS are normal and I'm at healthy and a good strong weight(which I work very hard to keep). My phiolosphy of Courage Endures was starting to form! Movement of the mind, to make decision has become the fuel of my core beliefs. My body started wanting to move and was able to move more and for longer. My soul was moving starting to move, i started reading Lama Surya Das's book and well as Thich Nhat Hanh's books. I like their books because it gave me the power to say "NO" and mean it. With help from my family and friends who helped me so much in overcoming the idea that I was a going to be fat forever and die soon. I also accept and understand this life is a marathon and I will fight for my life and I will work hard to be the best I can be, because that juice is worth the squeeze. My happiness starts with movement of the mind and movement of the body, so decision made!The hard part is to  have courage and to demonstrate an enduring form of courage that will power me into the future on a daily basis. The act of seeking courage is so important to me, so  while Andrea and I were dating she would often engage me in some beautiful conversations, she would ask my questions about what I believed  in and my she would ask me about my own living philosophy, that she has been witnessing me trying to deploy.  So I was talking with her and we were discussing Courage and how choices are made...I said basically, you either choose to live or you choose to not live. I had chosen in the past not to live honestly with who I am and who wanted to be, then in a moment of being able to clearly express my thoughts to her about life, death and courage I said this: which is with me everyday of my life and I mean it. (Andrea wrote this down) : “Courage is walking out the front door and having no idea what comes next.  Courage is being afraid – really afraid – but taking baby steps to overcome it.  Courage is doing the opposite of what you think you are ‘supposed to do.’  Courage happens every day. It’s not always big gestures. Sometimes courage is just opening your eyes and deciding ‘today, I’m going to live.’ Because you know what? There are no guarantees that you are going to wake up tomorrow.”  --JHB 2/3/13Little did I know that in Feb of 2012 I had to get ready to face my biggest challenge of my life. I would need to muster all my courage and to control my fear.  Frank Herbert said it best in Dune.."FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER" (maybe the body killer as well!) more to come. Image